One would think...

One would think that there would be a better time to write than at 2 am.. unfortunately, my mind isn't working that way tonight. Perhaps I can't sleep because I am so congested I can hardly breathe, or maybe it is the million and one thoughts running through my mind. Whatever it is, I can't help thinking that one would think...

One would think that I would be able to accomplish homework without having to bribe myself. I suppose this term is more difficult than the ones in the past due to the classes I am taking and that is the reason I am having trouble finding my motivation. Even the classes that I look forward to like my Children Lit course I can't seem to accomplish anything. I spent all evening working on a book theme analysis for a Caldecott winner, Flotsam, and I was barely able to break onto the third page. I usually don't have such problems writing...

One would think that I would be a little more at ease with the news of having a new niece/nephew on the way, but I am having trouble finding peace within myself. Not with the baby, but with me. Perhaps it is because I found an old letter and I am still having troubles coming to terms with the true feelings that were expressed, but never to be discussed. If I just keep pretending it never happened it will go away, right?

One would think I would stop crying so easily. It is the strangest things that set me off, with no warning and no rhyme or reason. I know I am sick and lots has happened recently, but at what point does the barrier that I had worked so hard to build reshape itself and I can return to acting like nothing bothers me. I don't like wearing my emotions on my sleeve.. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells even around myself.

One would think that passions and hopes and dreams would become a reality at some point or you would at least come to terms with the fact that they are forever out of reach. I wonder if I haven't gotten myself in over my head and if I was really cut out to return to school. Perhaps I am too old, too stupid and too ... too whatever to accomplish this. Maybe it is just because Chemistry is kicking my butt.

One would think when life is this out of control and you feel as if the fingernails you are hanging on by start to break that you would at least call for help. Maybe that is the problem...

One would think.