One would think...

One would think that there would be a better time to write than at 2 am.. unfortunately, my mind isn't working that way tonight. Perhaps I can't sleep because I am so congested I can hardly breathe, or maybe it is the million and one thoughts running through my mind. Whatever it is, I can't help thinking that one would think...

One would think that I would be able to accomplish homework without having to bribe myself. I suppose this term is more difficult than the ones in the past due to the classes I am taking and that is the reason I am having trouble finding my motivation. Even the classes that I look forward to like my Children Lit course I can't seem to accomplish anything. I spent all evening working on a book theme analysis for a Caldecott winner, Flotsam, and I was barely able to break onto the third page. I usually don't have such problems writing...

One would think that I would be a little more at ease with the news of having a new niece/nephew on the way, but I am having trouble finding peace within myself. Not with the baby, but with me. Perhaps it is because I found an old letter and I am still having troubles coming to terms with the true feelings that were expressed, but never to be discussed. If I just keep pretending it never happened it will go away, right?

One would think I would stop crying so easily. It is the strangest things that set me off, with no warning and no rhyme or reason. I know I am sick and lots has happened recently, but at what point does the barrier that I had worked so hard to build reshape itself and I can return to acting like nothing bothers me. I don't like wearing my emotions on my sleeve.. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells even around myself.

One would think that passions and hopes and dreams would become a reality at some point or you would at least come to terms with the fact that they are forever out of reach. I wonder if I haven't gotten myself in over my head and if I was really cut out to return to school. Perhaps I am too old, too stupid and too ... too whatever to accomplish this. Maybe it is just because Chemistry is kicking my butt.

One would think when life is this out of control and you feel as if the fingernails you are hanging on by start to break that you would at least call for help. Maybe that is the problem...

One would think.

So Long, Farewell

I'm not leaving, my HST120 class is.. I have decided that 15 hours is to much to take, so I have dropped my history class. I found out when I dropped it, that I was actually taking 16 hours, so now I am down to 13. I think that will be plenty. My seizures are not doing well since I have been very stressed, so I am going to try and de-stress a little. I would update this more if only I could blog from my phone in class....

Classes are going well, except for Chemistry. I have an A in labs and homework but I failed my first test. I mean failed with a 52. So my class grade is now a C. It is slowly getting easier to understand though, so I am hoping I will be able to pull that grade up. In fact, I am typing this instead of studying for my quiz on polyatomic ions tomorrow, so maybe I should put a lot more effort into my classes. According to an online test I took, with my schedule I should have 56 hours a week for studying ... I wonder where it all went.

I went and had my fingerprints cataloged electronically today and now I will be able to substitute teach for Fordland. I am very excited and will hopefully be doing that on Fridays when I am not in class or tutoring.

This post seems to be a little random, so I think I will stop now. I saw someone I hadn't seen in years and her baby today. I don't know why I felt the need to see her and take her a baby gift, but I did. I think I am over it now. Not sure I want to rekindle that friendship, to many bad and hurtful memories...

Way too Long

okay, so it has been WAY to long since my last post... I am not very good at keeping up with this, school, tutoring and basically life. Sam got married and it was a wonderful wedding.. they went to the Swiss Alps for their Honeymoon...

Summer school is almost over at this point... BIO100 and MTH050... as of right now I have an A in both, but as finals are next week, that can all change. I don't mind the MTH near as much as I thought I was going to. Aberle is a fantastic teacher though, and I am doing okay in his class. I have him again in the fall.

A friend is living with Brian and I so she can save money before her wedding in 3 weeks. Driving from Bolivar to Ozark and then Fordland to Ozark is way to expensive when gas is $3.85 a gallon. I am sure it is only going to keep going up. I hate to be one of "those" people, but I remember when I could fill my tank on $10. wow... I think I am officially old now that I have put a " I remember when" in print.

We have children's camp this weekend, and I agree with Mike. The Lord must be preparing some wonderful things because Satan certainly doesn't want this camp hapening. We have hit one roadblock after another. It has been the most stressful year for me and I think it has for some of the others as well. Planning has been slow and painful so we are ready to enjoy the blessings God has ready for us this weekend. This year it will be at Windemere in Roach, MO. We went there last year and loved it. Wow.. another "I remember when" coming up. I remember when I went there as a kid for music camp. 2 of those in 1 email, I am REALLY old.

Brain's work is going good. The car pooped out on us so he is carpooling. That is really turning out to be a blessing. Brian always gets so tired driving alone and now I don't worry about him quite as much. The show is wonderful but Satan must be mad about it too. It seems every week they are having problems with some part of the set or curtains. Delays have not detured though, the cast and crew go out and sing praise songs until the show can continue - a wonderful ministry they are able to present.

I will do better at posting more often. My 10 year reunion is coming up (except I graduated a year early) and I am thinking about going. I have touched base with my dear friend from Jr. High and it has been wonderful! Ali and I were such good friends, it seems like almost no time as passed except we are both married and she is now a lawyer! It makes you wonder about the courses life takes when we aren't paying attention.....

Sleep... I need Sleep

So this won't be long as you can tell from the title... Sam (the actual baby of the family) is getting married on Saturday. I start summer term on Tuesday (a week from today). Just finished a scrapbook for a friend (4 different subjects). Need to work tomorrow for the upcoming Miss Missouri pageant. Have 225 cupcakes, a guitar hero grooms cake and a 6" round to make and decorate for Sam's wedding. My house is a wreck. Mushu went in today to be de-clawed. Bought a new lawn mower for Brian for his birthday. Bought text books and spent WAY too much.. I have no idea how some people can pay all this money for college and just blow off their grades. Doesn't make sense to me, must be nice to have that much money. Had a great weekend in Arkansas with Denise who went down with pink eye in both eyes, a sinus infection and an ear infection, but the view and the company was wonderful! I don't think a sentence I have typed so far has been a complete one... yup. I need sleep.

A little bit of everything

There is so much I want to write about... I honestly don't know where to start. Hummmm....

1. School - I took my last final yesterday. Other than having 2 seizures in the middle of it, I would say it went well. I am not sure how I have done in all my classes yet, but my COM and EDU grades have both been posted and they are "A", so I am happy about that. I get two weeks "off" before summer term starts.

2. Illness - I am doing fine, but mom is sick again. I know she is frustrated with the surgery and the fact that she hasn't seen better results, but I know it will be for the best in the long run.. at least I pray. Grandpa Jim had an abdominal anurysim until this afternoon. It was removed successfully and he might be able to come home as early as Saturday. Praise the Lord! Brian is still fighting the cold/allergy battle, but I think he is starting to feel some better.

3. Diet - The diet is going pretty well. I am down over 50lbs. overall, but I still have a LONG way to go. I won't think about celebrating until I am over half way there. But diet is becoming a little more to me than just about losing weight. I am praying about changing the way I eat as a whole. I am trying a combination of high protein, low sugar and going by the Old Testament way of eating. No pork, "garbage" eaters, no bottom feeders, no fish without scales and gills ... things like that. I know it won't be easy and I am still praying and reading, but I can't help to think that God said no for a reason.

4. Home - I love our house! Praise the Lord for allowing us to find our own home! Praise the Lord for working everything out to his design. Praise the Lord that I have my own yard - that has to be mowed. Praise the Lord for the rain that makes the grass grow - that has to be mowed. Praise the Lord for giving me the legs and strength to be able to mow my wonderful yard when my husband can't. Praise the Lord for a push mower that works! Could the next blessing please either be a riding lawn mower with a bagger system or at least someone to sharpen the blades on the mower I have??

5. Car - I took the van in yesterday to have the brakes looked at and ended up having the entire back end brakes replaced. It was kinda scary when he told me later that I had no back brakes at all, just parts that had been distroyed. He said he wasn't sure how I was stopping at all except for my front brakes and that if I had used them much longer I could have caught on fire from the heat of the brakes and no fluid was getting to them. PRAISE THE LORD for my mechanic!! (and hubby for insisting I go in before the girls weekend)

6. Girls Weekend - Denise and I are going camping for 4 days at Mount Magazine in Arkansas. Unfortunally, the rest of the "group" was unable to make it, but I think the two of us will have a very good time! We plan on tent camping the first two nights and have reserved a lodge room at the top of the mountain for the third. We are taking my van, again PRAISE THE LORD for new brakes. Going down the AR mountains with no brakes could have been Denise's and I's homecoming.

7. To-Do List - I have made myself a to-do list for the two weeks that I have "off". I say "off" because the list is almost overwhelming. I have a scrapbook to make for someone that has been more than patient waiting on it, I need to write 3 camp scripts for this years KOH camp in July, I have to get my house back in order, Sam is getting married and I am making a black Guitar Hero grooms cake, three different types of cupcakes and a small round cake for them to cut. I will be camping four of those days and I would like to get as much reading in as possible. I have a much longer list at home, but I am watching the boys and at my sisters, so those are the highlights.

8. Family - Speaking of the boys, I have spent a lot of my day with AJ and Hunter today. Chris needed to go to the Dr, so I came over and watched them a little while. We went to lunch and I am back this evening so her and James could go out for their anniversary. They have been married 9 years, which means I will too in about 5 weeks. I can't believe we have been married almost 9 years and we seems to be in the exact same place as when we got married... don't get me wrong, A LOT has changed. I just find it funny that Brian has just gone back to work in Branson which is where he was working when we got married and I have gone back to school which I was finishing up when we got married. We are back living in Ozark which is the first placed we lived (granted we have upgraded) and we're really happy. Putting the boys to bed tonight I realized though how much I miss having kids of my own. I have never thought we wouldn't have kids there has just never seemed a push. We really like our peace and quiet, enjoy not having to worry about what to do with the kids if we want to go somewhere, just things like that. But I guess the "mom" in me kicked in when I was watching the boys tonight. Hunter is running a low temp and AJ was getting a little tired and wanted to banter a little but I didn't find myself getting frazzled or upset. I held Hunter while AJ and I talked about good and bad choices. No one was punished and it was just kinda nice I guess. When I was able to lay Hunter down AJ and I spent FOREVER trying to figure out the DVD/TV setup. He was patient and tried to help. I even called mom and no one could get it figured out. So instead of a movie we read two books, had a snack, brushed our teeth, said our bedtime prayers and I tucked him in a tight as a bug in a rug. He gave me a kiss goodnight, we exchanged our I Love You's, turned the night light out, and left the room as I pulled the door to. As I walked down the hall with the things to take to the kitchen out of his room, stepping over the toys in the living room floor and dodging the TV cabinet door that had been left open I found a calming peace and joy in my entire being. I think I could give up the peace and quiet for a little more of this. As I put things away I found it a wonderful end to my day to be cleaning up, knowing the kids were safe in bed, the house was quiet and I could reflect on the wonderfulness of it all. I know if this were my house and my kids I would now be rushing to throw a load in the wash, run the dishwasher and a million other things that needed to be done but I would have that satisfaction and proof of one more day. I don't know... maybe when I get out of school I can think about kids. It's only another 4 years at the most.....

I think there is more that I would like to write, but this post is long and I need to sit and ponder a while. Kinda bared my soul a little bit there.

New Jobs and Final Papers

Brian started his new job today in Branson. He is very excited and so am I. He just called and after being there at 8am this morning, found out that his department is working from 5pm to 2 am while they are still working on the set during the day. A little upsetting due to the fact that he now needs to come home and sleep for a few hours before driving back to Branson tonight to work. oh well, learning experience.

I have a speech today in class and that is my last assignment until the final for my com class. I am working on my final ENG paper and the speech that goes with it. With a final in that class I will be done with it. We have projects in my EDU class each week. So far I have created my PowerPoint final project and have done my online game evaluation final project. I will do a podcast final project and a website final project before the actual final in EDU. As far as ART goes, I still have no idea. Only two weeks of actual classes left and we are still working on chapters. That's fine, but I would love a little more direction in the class. I have started creating my own chapter PP presentations that I am hoping will help me study for the final. Who knows, maybe we will get a study guide. I hope so. It will be a proctored exam that I will take here on campus in two weeks.

I have a two week break in between classes and then summer starts again. I am becoming tired and ready for a break. I can hardly wait for these classes to be over and new ones to start. I am not tired of school, I am just ready for a change. I need to feel like I am making some sort of progress in life.

Going back to school has been a huge step, as well as other changes in our lives this week. Brian and I dedicated our marriage to full-time media ministry this weekend at church. Going to work for Sight and Sound is the first step. God gave us this opportunity and we feel like we are following his will by making it. It is a huge leap of faith financially, but we have the peace that God has given us. *Breathe* It is time to deliver my last speech in class, so I had better study one last time and make the most of it.

New Schedules and End of Term

My first term back is coming to a close... I believe I have an A in all of my classes still, however in one class I still have ungraded items that are over a month old. Very frustrating. I have 1 speech left to give in COM and the final to take. In ENG I have a small speech and a final paper as well as the overall final. In my EDU class we are working on our final projects and then have the final paper. As far as ART, I have no idea. I know I have a final, but the last I heard we were starting a new chapter today, so I have no clue in this class.

I did register yesterday for my summer classes. I will be taking MTH and BIO. My BIO class will be online, but after talking to several students who are taking BIO online this term, I think it will be okay. They really seem to like it.

Fall classes were registered for this morning. I have 16 hours this fall and will be taking another MTH course, a HST, CHM, Music course online and a Children's Lit course online. Should be fun! I can't wait until I get to take my practicums and more teaching classes. Guess you have to get all the grunt work out of the way first...

Grandma's Funeral

I am gone from school this week. Grandma passed early Sunday morning and we have traveled to Iowa for the funeral. I was able to present my Informative Speech in class on Monday before we left. I spoke on assistance dogs and took Goliath with me to class - it went very well. It took us about 8 hours to get to our destination, but we are here. We are rooming with my sis-in-law and my 2 year old nephew. Guess this will be Brian & I's test to see if we are ready for kids.. bring it on! I will be trying to keep up with my homework from here ... online class shouldn't be too hard and I need to finish my English paper. I submitted my EDU paper early, but I haven't heard from my teacher, so I hope she got it.

Pray for Brian's family during this hard time.

Random Happenings

This has been a very interesting week. It started with mom having surgery on Monday (sinus), me leaving my diamond daisy ring at the hospital, I have 3 major papers/speeches to write AND Brian accepted a new job. He is returning to life at the theater and going to work for the new Sight and Sound theater in Branson. They are performing Noah this year. I really think he is going to love it. Leaving Covenant will be hard as he has been there for 8 years. The Lord works in wondrous ways though. We are taking a pay cut for him to go, but the insurance is better and we really need that right now, considering he practically doesn't have any. Gas is a killer at $3.09 and a tank will only last him around 4 trips.

The Lord provides and we will be relying very heavily on Him. I got a really cool link off a friends blog and have started playing Bingo online. You can redeem points for cash on a gift card, and that will be helpful in paying small bills. If you would like to join, the link is:
http://www.freemoneywheel.com/signupCode/jennh
By using this link, I receive points too, so thanks! Brian will still be designing for Covenant, so that should also bring in a little extra money.

We received a call yesterday that Brian's g-ma isn't doing so hot. Hospice gave her between 48 hours and a week, but she seems to have rallied a little today and ate again. There is no easy way to go through this. I honestly pray for him and his family that she goes quickly. She is in pain and that is difficult to see and watching her is taking it's toll on the family. It breaks my heart to see my loved ones hurting so much. I would give anything to take the pain away from them.

I should get back to work. I have been procrastinating long enough.

Spring Break

Spring Break and you can only guess what I am working on... homework. I am writing a paper for English on the 4 or 5 best sources for Children's Literature, working on a persuasive speech, and studying for an Art History test. fun. I have found two sources for my paper so far, Children's Literature in Education and Children's Literature, both scholarly journals. Still looking for a primary source and published book. Oh! New info I think, I didn't re-read my last post, but I am a tutor for the OTC Richwood Valley campus in English, writing and basic CIT functions.

I have to register in the next few weeks for Summer and Fall '08 terms. I think I am going to take MTH 050 on campus and BIO 100 on line this summer and MTH110, CHM 101, HST 130, and MUS 101 (online) in the fall. That will leave me with MTH 128, ENG 250, HUM 121 & EDU 220 to take my last Sem. at OTC. I am then off to MSU in Springfield, MO. I guess we'll find out how well that works when we come back from spring break and I am able to meet with an advisor from MSU and my advisor from OTC. She is really great and becoming a fast friend. I will have to wait to see on the MTH classes though. I have to take a placement test to see where I can enroll. Math is my worst subject by far, so I am PRAYING that I can get into at least 050 to start with. Sounds pretty pathetic to have to go back that far, but I just don't want to get my hopes up.
Well, I had better get back to work.

Midterms in March

This is my first sem. back to school since I graduated in 2000. I am returning to get my degree in Teaching Secondary Education English with a specialty in Literature. I thought I might create a blog to remember all the interesting things I have been through. There is not a whole lot to report yet... Spring Break is next week and as of Midterm grades I have all A's. I am taking ENG 102, COM 105, EDU 225, and ART 110. So far so good.... I stare at this computer a lot since I always seem to be writing some kind of paper.